Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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