just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Boobs are out for the taking
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
