if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
