I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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