This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
