I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize