i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
