During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
