whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
