I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
