and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
