a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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