You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
