K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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