"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
