The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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