If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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