He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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