Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize