ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
