Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
