I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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