I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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