I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
