Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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