Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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