when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
