It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
