Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
