Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
