im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
