Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
