I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
