Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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