I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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