Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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