3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
