there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
