my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
