he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
