all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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