defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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