STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
