i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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