You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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