yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
