I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
