im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
