I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
