You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
