Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
