Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
