I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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