i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
