at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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