Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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