I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
