..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just threw up on my dentist
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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