dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
