i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
