DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
