if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
