i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Everyone says I win the strip club
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
