She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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