She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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