LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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