god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
