nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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