How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
