Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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