I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
