just come out here and I will go home with you...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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