do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
