White coat. Heels.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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