I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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