Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
