I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
