Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
