oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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