Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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