awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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