he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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