I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
