dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
