if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize