This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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