my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
