so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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