But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
