i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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