He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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