life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize