I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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