There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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