i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I look better un-naked...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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