Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this boner is exhausting
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
