You just made me feel so damn special
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
