oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
