i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
