I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
