So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm passing your future prison.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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