five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
