Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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